Reality Doesn't Negotiate
The hidden cost of the mental edits we make every day
Most people smooth over reality.
They create psychological account tricks. Mental edits. Little lies they tell themselves to avoid facing what’s actually there.
I saw this firsthand on a hike out into the desert.
My girlfriend and I encountered a rattlesnake two hours into our trek. We calmly went around it and continued on.
At the turnaround point, we met some tourists heading back the same way.
I mentioned the snake. Simple courtesy.
One woman immediately freaked out. “Oh don’t tell me that. I’ve never seen a rattlesnake before. Now i’m going to be scared going back... So thanks,” she said with obvious irritation.
Her husband had a completely different reaction. He asked practical questions. What to do if they see one. What happens if someone gets bit.
Where we were, a snake bite meant helicopter evacuation or death. No one would make it to a hospital in time.
Two people. Same reality. Completely different approaches.
One refused to face it. One leaned in.
Comfortable Lies Compound into Crisis
This is the choice we all make every day.
We can smooth over the edges of our lives with comfortable lies, or we can see things as they actually are.
Most choose comfort.
They add a little padding to the budget.
They undercount the calories.
They overstate their skills.
These aren’t harmless white lies. They’re compounding self-sabotage.
Each tiny edit to reality in your mind takes you further from what’s real. Until one day reality shows up and you can no longer ignore it.
Face Reality, Find Clarity
The alternative is simple but not easy.
Face what is.
Not what you wish was true. Not what would make you feel better.
Just what is. Examine truth.
When you see reality clearly, everything changes.
You can prepare effectively.
You can be present in the actual moment, not the one you’ve invented.
Your problems get proper perspective.
That job you hate? That opportunity you’re chasing? Put them against someone dodging drone strikes in Ukraine. Suddenly your capacity for struggle expands.
You find beauty in the very edges others smooth over.
Your ego shrinks when you realize how much more there is to do, to create, to become.
Expand Your Reality Model
How do you build a better model of reality?
By experiencing more of it.
Push slightly past your comfort threshold, then find your way back to equilibrium.
Take the bus instead of driving. Go home a different way without GPS. Try a workout you’ve never done before. Walk with no destination, just to observe. Eat a cuisine you’ve never tasted.
Introduce randomness into your life. Put yourself in situations you didn’t expect. Find your way back. Expand your sense of what’s possible.
The most dangerous delusion isn’t thinking you can fly.
It’s thinking the ground isn’t there.
Reality doesn’t negotiate.
It doesn’t care about your comfort.
It just is.
And the sooner you face it, the sooner you can actually live in it.